KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED... Childhood Sexual Abuse is Real

Yes, I’m a proud helicopter mom… there I said it!  If you’re like me, you’d rather err on the side of caution than take chances with my children’s safety.  There should be no task more important to a parent than to keep his/her children safe from harm.  The problem is that sometimes harmful things are right under our noses, and sometimes harmful thing are also shameful things and we are more comfortable hiding our heads in the sand.  It can be very difficult to talk about sexual abuse and even more difficult to acknowledge that sexual abuse of children of all ages (including infants) happens every day.

The prevalence of child sexual abuse is not known because so many victims do not disclose or report their abuse.  Research has suggested rates varying from 1% - 35%.  Most professionals in the field of abuse place the rates at 8% - 20%.

Adult retrospective studies show that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men were sexually abused before the age of 18 (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2006).  This means there are more than 42 million adult survivors of child sexual abuse in the United States.

·      The primary reason that the public is not sufficiently aware of child sexual abuse as a problem is that 73% of child victims do not tell anyone about the abuse for at least a year.  45% of victims do not tell anyone for at least 5 years.  Some never disclose (Smith et al., 2000; Broman-Fulks et al., 2007).

     Sadly, it is highly likely that you know a child who has been or is currently being abused.  Being that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthdays.  This means that in any classroom or neighborhood full of children, there are children who are silently bearing the burden of sexual abuse. 

·       The median age for reported sexual abuse is 9 years old.  Approximately 20% of the victims of sexual abuse are under age eight and .  50% of all victims of forcible sodomy, sexual assault with an object, and forcible fondling are under age twelve.  Yes, I know the statistics just caused your blood to run cold.  More shockingly... most child victims never report the abuse.  Sexually abused children who keep it a secret or who "tell" and are not believed are at greater risk than the general population for psychological, emotional, social, and physical problems, often lasting into adulthood. 

It is also likely that you know an abuser!  The greatest risk to children doesn't come from strangers but from friends and family.

• 30-40% of children are abused by family members.
• As many as 60% are abused by people the family trusts- abusers frequently try to form a trusting relationship with parents.
• Nearly 40% are abused by older or larger children.  This may be very difficult to acknowledge, but be mindful of the interactions of unrelated step-siblings or children who are friends of the family. 
• There are no telltale signs, people who abuse children look and act just like everyone else.  In fact, they often go to great lengths to appear trustworthy and to gain access to children.

The fact is that there are dire consequences of childhood sexual abuse… other than the obvious trauma. 

• 70 - 80% of sexual abuse survivors report excessive drug and alcohol use.
• One study showed that among male survivors, 50% have suicidal thoughts and more than 20% attempt suicide.
• Young girls who are sexually abused are more likely to develop eating disorders as adolescents.
• More than 60% of teen first pregnancies are preceded by experiences of molestation, rape or attempted rape.  The average age of the offenders is 27 years old.
•  Approximately 40% of sex offenders report sexual abuse as children.
• Both males and females who have been sexually abused are more likely to engage in prostitution.

As a parent, there are a host of ways you can minimize opportunity.  Be vigilant.  Never let your guard down and never leave children unsupervised.  Abusers often become friendly with potential victims and their families, enjoying family activities, earning trust, and gaining time alone with children.  Think carefully about the safety of any one-adult/one-child situations and always choose group situations/activities when possible.  Think carefully about the safety of situations in which older youth have access to younger children, like sleepovers at friends’ houses.  Make sure that multiple adults are present who will commit to supervising any and all interactions (supervision doesn’t mean saying good night and retiring behind closed doors while children are left to fend for and protect themselves against any potentially harmful situation).  Be mindful that incidents of sexual abuse often happen in a home when adults are home, just failing to supervise young children with older or larger youths.

 

Parents, as difficult as this topic is… talk about it!  Barriers can be broken down by talking openly and frankly about it.  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  It’s never too early to begin having age appropriate talks with your children, and by all means, please believe your children and take appropriate precautions to ensure their safety. 

  

Children are sometimes afraid to tell for a variety of reasons.  For one, abusers shame their victims and point out that they “allowed” the abuse to happen.  Sometimes abusers manipulate their victims by telling them that their parents will be angry if they tell, or confuse the child about what is right and what is wrong (this is why talking frankly to your children early on is imperative).  Abuser sometimes threatens the child or a family member and children are afraid of disappointing their parents and disrupting the family.  Some children who do not initially disclose abuse are ashamed to tell when it happens again.  Some victims are simply too young to understand.

One problem is that signs of sexual abuse are not always obvious.  Signs are often there but you need to know how to spot them.  Physical signs of sexual abuse are not common, although redness, rashes or swelling in the genital area, urinary tract infections, or other like symptoms should be carefully investigated.  Also, problems associated with anxiety, such as chronic stomach pain or headaches, may occur.  Emotional or behavioral signs are more common.  These signs may include withdrawal or depression to anger and rebellion.  Sexual behavior and language that are not age appropriate are also red flags.  Alas, in some children there aren’t any signs at all.

 

It is very important to remember, as panic inducing as this topic is, if you suspect any abuse has occurred you must NOT overreact!  Your child will be reading your reaction and reacting to it!  If you react with anger, disbelief or indifference the child’s response will often be to shut down or change the story.  Another byproduct is that the abused child feels even guiltier.  Fact:  Very few reported incidents are false.  You should try to offer support to the child.  Believe the child and make certain that the child knows that you do.  Thank the child for being courageous enough to tell you, then immediately seek the help of a professional who is trained to interview the child about sexual abuse.

Child sexual abuse is a crime and you are obligated to report it.  All 50 states require that professionals who work with children report reasonable suspicions of child abuse.  Some states require that anyone with suspicions report it.  You may be faced with a situation where you suspect abuse but don't have any proof.  Suspicions are scary, but trust your instincts.  Go Way Beyond Z and have the courage to report the suspected abuse.

“The most important thing in defining child sexual abuse is the experience of the child. It takes very little for a child’s world to be devastated. A single experience can have a profound impact on a child’s life. A man sticks his hand in his daughter’s underpants, or strokes his son’s penis once, and for that child, the world is never the same again.” 

― Laura Hough, Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Is a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse