I walk into the house
after a full day at work and kids materialize out of nowhere. Julia is explaining the process of how
her crayfish, Spike, has shed his shell (don’t judge me… she wants to be a
veterinarian, thought it would be interesting to further observe him and
brought Spike home from school after they were done with the lesson on
freshwater crustaceans). Jordan is
vying for my attention and thinks this is the perfect time to explain his
theory on global warming and how this ties into our new and strange weather
patterns. The nanny is asking rapid-fire
questions and relaying what she believes to be pertinent information about the
last 9 hours and why this information cannot wait another second until I drop
my bag and take my damn shoes off.
The dogs are barking and wagging and my cell phone and doorbell are
ringing… Calgon, take me away!
I don’t get how my mother
was able to raise me, mostly alone, manage to keep the house tidy, the kitchen
and bathroom sparkling clean and medical facility sanitized, cook full meals…
every day, ensure that homework was done, enforce bedtime compliance all while
still working full time and sometimes an extra job to make her ends meet. Let’s not mention that she washed all
the laundry BY HAND, ironed, folded and put everything away EVERY weekend. My mom accomplished this while always
looking well put together, well rested and poised. Linda Carter, Elizabeth Montgomery nor Barbara Eden had
anything on my mama! Mama Glo, Sr.
was the real Wonder Woman, Samantha Stevens and Jeannie combined!
I hold my own, don’t get
me wrong. My kids are well fed,
dressed and mannerly, my house is clean and tidy, and I’m on top of my laundry,
but somehow, I don’t always feel so rested. In fact, there are days when I am straight up
overwhelmed! I sometimes struggle
to find balance in my life and in my family. Single parenting two kids requires a lot of time and energy! After a painful separation, managing
the academic challenges of one dyslexic child, and one academically gifted
child I had to find a way to achieve that balance and some of it for myself. In order to keep from burning out I had
to take time for myself whenever possible. Find activities that offer a fresh perspective. Look for positive things to focus on. When you’re feeling at the end of your
rope, remind yourself of your children’s strengths, talents, and all the good
things they offer you and your family. Remind your children of their strengths as well, as often as
possible.
Some other suggestions are
to:
- Create Routines – Routines are established by parents to manage their own behavior and also to manage the behavior of their children. A routine actually nurtures the positive overall growth of your child and helps to create consistency. Routines don’t allow for frenzy and uncertainty; they foster security. Most importantly, stick to the routine each and every day and watch your life become more manageable.
- Nurture – A part of every single day should be devoted to nurturing your relationship with your children. The specific time for nurturing must suit your family’s schedule and what that time is doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you spend some time every day doing something with your children. Choose an activity (games, exercises, dancing or just being silly) that nurtures you and your children’s spirit. Your kids will appreciate the time spent and this time will allow you to become child-like once again yourself. Remember, the quality of your children’s emotional growth is largely a part of their reflection of their relationship with you.
- Create Limits – Feeling hopeful and empowered with your child starts with you defining the “limits” of what you think is acceptable behavior. Set limits on how your children behave, but not on your children’s spirit. The defining of “limits” is necessary not only for your peace of mind, but also for your child’s development in knowing when and what acceptable behavior is. It’s important to be consistent in the enforcement of these limits. Your kids need to know that you mean what you say… all the time. This will greatly cut down on their challenging behavior. If you allow your child “just-this-one-time-only”, what you’re doing is giving permission for this scenario to take place time and time again (after which follows anger, frustration and feelings of being overwhelmed.
- Create Time – Less is more. Start by doing less each day. We parents generally create the overwhelming feelings that we experience by over programming our days. Children (and their parents) honestly benefit from “down time.” When you are going in too many directions at once, you are creating stress and strain. Sure Julia’s dance lessons and Jordan’s soccer practices, etc. are important – but sometimes you just have to find activities that are done at home, and in the name of sanity. To feel less overwhelmed, make the occasional cut and you will create a more relaxing and manageable family life.
- Make Time for Yourself – This is a time for you to remind yourself that you do have control of your life and you do need to take care of yourself. There are many examples of healthy personal time which makes your heart happy (and making your heart happy is very, very important for your entire well-being): time spent apart from your children (call a sitter), time spent in a warm bubbly bath (mommy time often happens after my kids are asleep), time spent on a date with your special other… or any other (again call the sitter), time spent doing an activity that makes you feel good (running, gardening, reading, basket weaving… whatever), time spend JUST BEING STILL. Being good to yourself is the most important thing you can do in life – it benefits you, your children, your mate and your work life.
Try to adopt at least some
of the above-suggested tips daily.
You may find yourself more in control, your life more livable, more
enjoyable and more relaxing. Keep
up the good work you are doing and don’t forget to spend some quality time on
yourself... Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting
others.
Have a Way Beyond Z day!!
“Rest and peace should not be left until
you're deceased. They are two vital life ingredients everybody needs and seeks.”
― Rasheed
Ogunlaru
“It's better to oversleep
and miss the boat than get up early and sink.”
―
Elizabeth Jane Howard, Mr. Wrong
No comments:
Post a Comment