Yes,
I’m a proud helicopter mom… there I said it! If you’re like me, you’d rather err on the side of caution
than take chances with my children’s safety. There should be no task more important to a parent than to
keep his/her children safe from harm.
The problem is that sometimes harmful things are right under our noses,
and sometimes harmful thing are also shameful things and we are more
comfortable hiding our heads in the sand.
It can be very difficult to talk about sexual abuse and even more
difficult to acknowledge that sexual abuse of children of all ages (including
infants) happens every day.
The
prevalence of child sexual abuse is not known because so many victims do not
disclose or report their abuse.
Research has suggested rates varying from 1% - 35%. Most professionals in the field of
abuse place the rates at 8% - 20%.
Adult retrospective studies show that 1 in 4 women
and 1 in 6 men were sexually abused before the age of 18 (Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention, 2006). This
means there are more than 42 million adult survivors of child sexual abuse in
the United States.
· The primary reason that the public is not
sufficiently aware of child sexual abuse as a problem is that 73% of child
victims do not tell anyone about the abuse for at least a year. 45% of victims do not tell anyone for at
least 5 years. Some never disclose
(Smith et al., 2000; Broman-Fulks et al., 2007).
Sadly, it is highly likely that you know a child who
has been or is currently being abused. Being that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are
sexually abused before their 18th birthdays. This means that in any classroom or neighborhood full of
children, there are children who are silently bearing the burden of sexual
abuse.
· The median age for reported sexual abuse is 9
years old. Approximately 20% of
the victims of sexual abuse are under age eight and . 50% of all victims of forcible sodomy, sexual
assault with an object, and forcible fondling are under age twelve. Yes, I know the statistics just caused your blood to run cold. More shockingly... most child victims never report the abuse. Sexually abused children who keep it a secret or who
"tell" and are not believed are at greater risk than the general population
for psychological, emotional, social, and physical problems, often lasting into
adulthood.
It is also likely that you know an abuser! The greatest risk to children doesn't come from strangers
but from friends and family.
- 30-40% of children are abused by family members.
- As many
as 60% are abused by people the family trusts- abusers
frequently try to form a trusting relationship with parents.
- Nearly 40% are
abused by older or larger children.
This may be very difficult to acknowledge, but be mindful of the
interactions of unrelated step-siblings or children who are friends of the
family.
- There are
no telltale signs, people who abuse children look and act just like everyone
else. In fact, they often go to
great lengths to appear trustworthy and to gain access to children.
The
fact is that there are dire consequences of childhood sexual abuse… other than
the obvious trauma.
- 70 - 80% of sexual abuse survivors report excessive
drug and alcohol use.
- One study showed that among male survivors, 50% have
suicidal thoughts and more than 20% attempt suicide.
- Young girls who are sexually abused are more likely
to develop eating disorders as adolescents.
- More than 60% of teen first pregnancies are preceded
by experiences of molestation, rape or attempted rape. The average age of the offenders is 27
years old.
- Approximately 40% of sex offenders report sexual
abuse as children.
- Both males and females who have been sexually abused
are more likely to engage in prostitution.
As
a parent, there are a host of ways you can minimize opportunity. Be vigilant. Never let your guard down and never leave children
unsupervised. Abusers often become
friendly with potential victims and their families, enjoying family activities,
earning trust, and gaining time alone with children. Think carefully about the safety of any one-adult/one-child
situations and always choose group situations/activities when possible. Think carefully about the safety of
situations in which older youth have access to younger children, like sleepovers
at friends’ houses. Make sure that
multiple adults are present who will commit to supervising any and all
interactions (supervision doesn’t mean saying good night and retiring behind
closed doors while children are left to fend for and protect themselves against
any potentially harmful situation).
Be mindful that incidents of sexual abuse often happen in a home when
adults are home, just failing to supervise young children with older or larger
youths.
Parents,
as difficult as this topic is… talk about it! Barriers can be broken down by talking openly and frankly
about it. An ounce of prevention
is worth a pound of cure. It’s
never too early to begin having age appropriate talks with your children, and
by all means, please believe your children and take appropriate precautions to
ensure their safety.
Children
are sometimes afraid to tell for a variety of reasons. For one, abusers shame their victims
and point out that they “allowed” the abuse to happen. Sometimes abusers manipulate their
victims by telling them that their parents will be angry if they tell, or
confuse the child about what is right and what is wrong (this is why talking
frankly to your children early on is imperative). Abuser sometimes threatens the child or a family member and
children are afraid of disappointing their parents and disrupting the family. Some children who do not initially
disclose abuse are ashamed to tell when it happens again. Some victims are simply too young to
understand.
One
problem is that signs of sexual abuse are not always obvious. Signs are often there but you need to
know how to spot them. Physical
signs of sexual abuse are not common, although redness, rashes or swelling in
the genital area, urinary tract infections, or other like symptoms should be
carefully investigated. Also,
problems associated with anxiety, such as chronic stomach pain or headaches,
may occur. Emotional or behavioral
signs are more common. These signs
may include withdrawal or depression to anger and rebellion. Sexual behavior and language that are
not age appropriate are also red flags.
Alas, in some children there aren’t any signs at all.
It
is very important to remember, as panic inducing as this topic is, if you
suspect any abuse has occurred you must NOT overreact! Your child will be reading your
reaction and reacting to it! If
you react with anger, disbelief or indifference the child’s response will often
be to shut down or change the story.
Another byproduct is that the abused child feels even guiltier. Fact: Very few reported incidents are false. You should try to offer support to the
child. Believe the child and make
certain that the child knows that you do.
Thank the child for being courageous enough to tell you, then
immediately seek the help of a professional who is trained to interview the
child about sexual abuse.
Child
sexual abuse is a crime and you are obligated to report it. All 50 states require that
professionals who work with children report reasonable suspicions of child
abuse. Some states require that
anyone with suspicions report it. You
may be faced with a situation where you suspect abuse but don't have any proof. Suspicions are scary, but trust your instincts. Go Way Beyond Z and have the courage to report the
suspected abuse.
“The most important thing in defining
child sexual abuse is the experience of the child. It takes very little for a
child’s world to be devastated. A single experience can have a profound impact
on a child’s life. A man sticks his hand in his daughter’s underpants, or
strokes his son’s penis once, and for that child, the world is never the same
again.”
