IN SEARCH OF A UNICORN

Urban dictionary defines “ride or die chick” as follows:

1.    A chick that ain't afraid to be down with her man; she'll do anything her man needs her to do.

2.    “Ride or die chick” refers to someone who (normally a girl, hence the word chick) is down for everything & anything.  Basically down for both the bad and the good.

I’ve heard full grown, decently educated, adult men say that ‘ride or die chicks’ are the only type of girls that they date and those are the only types of girls that make the dating experience completely worth it.  They mysteriously define this girl as the total package… “She’s your homegirl, your lover and your friend all rolled up into one delectable package.”  She’s been said to know the “tendencies” of her man and understands the way he “works”.  I hear that these ‘ride or die chicks’ are as elusive unicorns, but they are out there and once you find one, you may never want to let her go.

 

Here’s the part where I pick this whole ‘ride or die chick’ theory apart and offer another perspective.  Look fellas… unicorns are real, and easy to find!  They’re just fat and gray and we commonly refer to them as rhinos.  WAKE UP!!  Of course I’m being funny but my point is: Quit looking for imaginary unicorns when alive and well rhinos are in your midst.  You're not looking for a unicorn... you're looking for a woman with low self-esteem who will allow you to take advantage of her loyalty.  If you love purely and reciprocally you will receive the same benefits without breaking another’s spirit or risk compromising someone else’s values.

 

‘Ride or die chicks’ are not a new phenomenon.  They’ve been stealthily moving among us for ages, knitting blankets, robbing banks and fighting their men’s battles.  For instance, Sarah, of the Old Testament, was Abraham’s ‘ride or die chick’.  She was willing to be deceitful and pretended to be Abraham’s sister and allowed herself to be taken into another man’s bed to save Abraham from certain death… not once, but TWICE!  Why would she do this for him?  Better yet, why would he allow his wife to be delivered into another man’s bed in order to save his own neck?  Modern day examples include, Virginia Thomas of the Clarence Thomas sexual harassment fandango, Dina McGreevey (before her husband, Jim McGreevey, declared himself a gay American), Huma Abedin of the Anthony Weiner political-suicide sexting mess, Hillary Clinton (nuff said) and the Depression Era, bank robbing Bonnie Elizabeth Parker (sidekick to her Clyde Chestnut Barrow).

 

Good women who are, and have been, accustomed to standing by their men in the face of normal adversity are now being expected to dash away all of their home-grown, mama-bestowed, you-know-you-know-better senses to stick by their man no matter what manner of foolywang that arrives at her doorstep.  This new millennium, ‘ride or die chick’ beneficiary can present with a wife (“we’re separated, baby… never mind that car seat in the back of my car”), five kids and problems with adhering to common values associated with integrity and fidelity and the new-fangled ‘ride or die chick’ will open the door and invite him right in!  He can arrive in the middle of the night, a full 6 hours after he was expected, and the ‘ride or die chick’ will not only greet him with open arms and a shut mouth, but is expected to warm up his dinner and draw a bath... all while massaging his feet and pole dancing wearing nothing but stilettos!  He can come with some craziness regarding how or where he acquired yet another baby during the course of their relationship and guess what?  He, his baby AND his new-baby-mama-shenanigans are accepted with open arms... we all make mistakes, right?

 

Why are we rocking this new title like it’s some Boy Scout badge of honor when it’s really the same old shameful situation placed in a blue box with a white ribbon tied into a pretty bow wrapped around it?  At what point do you go into the bathroom, wipe the sharpie printed, “I’m a she-ass”, off your forehead and realize that accepting disrespect and humiliation and the expectation that your desperation to keep your man will dictate your unwavering acceptance of his downright impudent and irreverent behavior is pure and unadulterated foolishness?!  At what point do you draw the line?!??  What I will say is that the man who came up with the “ride or die” philosophy is an absolute genius!  He has convinced women across America to give their all, only to receive very little or nothing in return.  Women have been conditioned to readily toss their self-respect, integrity and dignity to the wind because (for some women) it is better to have a man (any man) than no man at all.  She gets very little satisfaction from this type of relationship, but, in the end, you’re both comfortable with that idea.  She gets a scoundrel of a man, who is no prize and he gets his way without having the added pain of consequence and with the added value of acceptance and continued reinforcement of his bad behavior.  

If you are a follower of television series, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, you’ve probably witnessed the shenanigans of one Stevie J.  Stevie J spent the entire season finale episode using a bus analogy where he said that he’s the bus driver and women get on and off the Stevie J bus as they please.  He provides the gas, the air in the tires, the entire bus.  He goes on to say, “Get with the program or I’m going to have to leave you in the desert.” for surely, there is another ‘ride or die chick’ ready to accept Stevie J’s ongoing shenanigans.  This perfectly characterizes the problem.  Stevie J… and probably a lot of other men who are pursuing the unicorn realizes that there are a great many women who have been conditioned to believe that they’d better “get on (whatever) bus” pulls up to the curb, for fear that bus service will be suspended.  They sadly have no idea that they are perfectly capable of ambulating on their own.   

  

Alas, a man who is accustomed to dating these types of women who suffer from staggeringly low self-esteem, low enough to allow her to compromise her principles and expectations in order to stand by a man who probably doesn’t deserve her support, will ne’er be satisfied with a stand-up, woman of high values who will support her partner without fail as long as he shows her that he is deserving of her undying support.  This type of woman is way too much work.  Be a WayBeyondZ partner and respect and value the one you claim to love. 

“Never assume that love is enough to make someone stay or come back to you. Because when pain strikes the heart love will fade no matter how great it is.”

- unknown

“Better to have one woman on your side than ten men.”

― Robert Jordan, The Great Hunt