IS IT AFFECTION, ENVY or STALKING?

It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  It is also said that copying someone is flattering because it shows you want to be like that person.  The bottom line is that when you find yourself in a situation where you your movements are being mimicked… it’s creepy, disturbing to the recipient of this behavior and even borderline stalkerish!  This is especially creepy if the person mimicking your movements is only a casual acquaintance or even farther removed from your circle than even that.  You meet someone at a conference, in school or are introduced by a mutual friend and BAM… a stalker is born.  You go out to lunch… there they are!  You attend a workshop… there they are!  You go to parent/teacher night and you guessed it… they are there, carrying a similar Gucci handbag and are rocking the scarf you just purchased!  Damn, now the scarf has to be donated (keeping the bag though).   

We don't typically consider what it is like for those who are envied, but people who are the recipients of envy can be made to feel uncomfortable.  Imagine having someone dislike you, or even hate you, because you have an attribute, a possession, or a privilege that they want and are feel they are clearly lacking.  Envy can be triggered in circumstances that involve a social comparison where someone perceives that you have possessions, attributes, or attainments that diminish their own status.  These triggers often mirror admiration, but admiration lacks the hostility of envy.  In either case, people will glamorize or idealize who you are or what you possess.  Yet the flavor of envy is ugly whereas the essence of admiration is warm, even if it creates discomfort in those who are admired. 

Envy can make a person preoccupied with comparison and repeatedly measure their self-worth against what they perceive to be your own.  They may try to position themselves or align themselves with your friends, allies, networks or physically position themselves to replicate your activities (which mimics stalking).  Although envy can motivate someone to damage the position of the person who is envied, either in their imagination or in reality, their envy can also make them work harder in order to attain what the envied person has.  Yes, it is creepy; however, preoccupation with an envied person is compelling, even if it is a waste of time.  Creepy may even border onto dangerous depending on the level of preoccupation. 

Stalking is defined as unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person.  Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation and may include following the victim in person or monitoring them.  The word stalking is used, with some differing meanings, in psychology and psychiatry and also in some legal jurisdictions as a term for a criminal offense.  When admiration turns into envy and lends itself to stalking you may then want to consider protecting yourself through legal means, i.e., an Orders of Protection or Temporary Restraining Order (TRO), because you can never be too careful when dealing with people who attempt to interfere with your personal space and peace of mind.

    

The daggers that accompany envy are anything but enviable.  So if you doubt that emotions influence human behavior and decision making, step back and take another look at envy as one of many examples.  Everyone is great in his or her own right.  Have WayBeyondZ love for yourself! 

 

“They'll either want to kill you, kiss you, or be you.”

― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay