Unmotivated… lazy…
unenthusiastic… unambitious… inattentive… lackadaisical… apathetic…
indifferent… lifeless… listless… torpid… shiftless… idle… unconcerned…
lethargic… passive… stupid… sluggish… spiritless… languid… disinterested…
languorous… dispassionate… There
are countless ways to say it, but it all means the same thing to a child with a
learning disability (LD). It all
means failure, low self-confidence, low self-esteem and feelings of
inadequacy.
- Dyslexia interferes with his handwriting and causes him to take an hour to finish one page of written homework, much less the three that he’s required to complete. His teachers complain about his writing being illegible, but he’s doing the best that he can.
- His schoolwork is awesome when he remembers to bring the books he needs and turn in his assignments. Teachers refer to him as unmotivated.
- His lack of reading fluency causes him to read haltingly. On the mornings when he’s asked to present a project in class orally, Jordan develops an ailment and begs to stay home for fear of being called stupid by his “friends”.
The
truth is that Jordan isn’t unmotivated, lax or stupid, in fact, he’s highly
motivated… to avoid public humiliation and/or failure.
What dampens motivation?
The
main reasons children withdraw mentally from school is fear of failure,
frustration with inconsistent performance (good one day, stumbling the next),
lack of understanding of the schoolwork, emotional problems, anger, or desire
for attention - even negative attention.
There is very specific behavior that accompanies this dampened
motivation. It may range from
quitting ("school is boring"), avoiding any attempt ("I'm stupid
so why try?"), behaving like the class clown (for attention), denying the
problem ("I don't care about English"), being impulsive ("There!
I'm done!"), or bullying (picking on someone smaller). Research has also pointed out that if
the emotional system is in turmoil, the cognitive system must expend energy on
it before the brain can focus to learn.
What sparks motivation?
Babies are born with an
inherent drive to learn. That
spark burns brighter over time, or in the worst case scenario… dulls. Your challenge as the parent of a child
with learning or attention problems is to help him build hope and optimism. There has to be a mechanism in place to
offset the frustrations and low self-esteem that can result from his learning
struggles. The goal is to find
subjects or activities where he is self-motivated to learn, enjoys the process
of learning, and sees the value of what he learns as well as the value in the
process of learning.
Kids will be
self-motivated when they:
- Feel competent about something
- Have some choice and control over their learning
- Believe that intelligence isn't fixed at birth
- Feel loved and respected by their parents
Where do his passions lie?
There is definitely an
academic payoff to building competence through the discovery of school related
or non-academic passions. When
Jordan showed an aptitude for math, I found ways outside of school to expose
him to math in the real world.
When Jordan started struggling in math, I looked elsewhere for his
passions. The key is to pay
attention to whatever makes your child perk up! In Jordan’s case that would be soccer and art at the moment,
so I keep cleats, pipe cleaners, paintbrushes and an assortment of art supplies
close by. I also display Jordan’s
art prominently throughout the house.
Screen prints, tie-dyes, paper-mache masks, water-color paintings and
mosaics are all prominently displayed in our home! Art?
Sports? Music? Dance? Animals?
Plants? Video games? Skateboards? Find it… encourage it!
Give him choices
I know some of us were
raised in the “children should be seen and not heard” era. Autonomy in children was not tolerated
(much less encouraged) in many families.
Times have thankfully changed and many of us have been enlightened and
see the value in raising children who know their own mind and feel confident
enough to express it. Every human
being thrives on feeling like they are acting of their own volition, and
children are no different. In
children with learning disabilities this is even more important. I’m not at all saying that children are
to be given their way as a means to grow confidence. I am saying that we need to be more creative in finding ways
to offer them choices that yield two equally acceptable alternatives, such as
doing a math or a writing assignment first or choosing their guest list for
their sporting events or school performances. Children who feel a sense of control over their lives grow
pride, confidence and self-motivation.
Persistence pays off
A child’s belief about
intelligence has a direct influence on his motivation to succeed. If he somehow believes that
intelligence is fixed and he got on the wrong line for “smarts” then he’s
liable to quit the race before the starting gun fires. On the other hand, if you help him to
understand that persistence is more significant than the “luck of the draw”,
you have bridged the gap and are raising a kid who can learn to succeed on his
own terms. Your kid needs to know
that brainpower is something that you can acquire!
Make sure your child knows that he is loved and respected
Everyone feels better knowing
that they have a cheering section or a set of dedicated groupies. Be your child’s groupie! Every child needs to feel that his
parents are on his side. You can
demonstrate your love and respect for your child with learning disabilities by
accepting, connecting, and supporting him… no matter what. Let him know you still love him even if
he forgets his assignments, bombs a test or even if he reads below level. When he has had a bad day, you need to
help him to give words to his feelings.
Respect your child by helping him not only understand his specific type
of learning disability, but assist him with finding strategies for coping in
school. Jordan can’t hold
multiplication facts in long-term memory and it affects his standardized math
scores. He requires a strategy to
practice math skills as well as a test taking strategy. Jordan fortunately has adequately
accurate computational math skills and doesn’t necessarily rely on rote
memorization, though it slows him down.
Jordan has additional time for tests included in his IEP which for him
is more effective that drilling multiplication tables.
Help your child identify steps to success
Our culture reveres inborn
talent and luck. This is an
unfortunate turn of events for a child who struggles in school. He begins to believe that no matter how
hard he works, school success is outside of his control. The key to overcoming this is the
identification of small but concrete steps to reach his learning and
achievement goals. These steps
should have recognizable goals of accomplishment along the way. The effort
of learning should be valued as much as the outcome. The problem comes in because schools do
not typically celebrate the process as much as the outcome. Understand that the concession is that
you will have to be content with a C in math but an A+ for effort. This is a short term concession for the
long term benefit of having a child who is motivated to learn. Ideally, regular communication with
your child’s teachers will ensure that your child’s learning goals are
supported both at school and at home.
This has not been my experience with Jordan’s teachers in the fifth
grade… but persistence pays off and I have a tendency to be rather annoying and
relentless where my children and their overall wellbeing are concerned.
Another important lesson
to teach is that mistakes are a natural part of the learning process. Point out that everybody makes mistakes
and mistakes are not the end of the world. Mistakes just present another opportunity to discover
another way to look at solving a problem.
Thomas Edison was said to have tried 10,000 times to perfect the light
bulb. “I didn’t fail. I just
discovered another way not to invent the electric light bulb.” How’s that for confidence!
Foster long term motivation
Research suggests that
parents who encourage a child’s self-sufficiency often have kids who are
motivated from the inside, out.
This means restraining your natural inclination to jump in to help your
struggling child. Children with
learning difficulties run a high risk of developing self-perceptions of
academic incompetence and consequently develop low expectations for academic success. I have learned from my 10 plus years of
interaction with my dyslexic son that he has an amazing way of viewing the
world that is totally unique and unconventional! Guide your child to pursue his interests relentlessly, dedicatedly operate from his
strengths, and never shy away from challenges! Celebrate each hard-won rung on the ladder towards
developing strengths, so that he can sustain his motivation and passion for
learning. Celebrate your children
and have a Way Beyond Z day!
"Geniuses are made, not
born."
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