BECOMING AN ORPHAN

I’ve been in a serious funk lately and haven’t been able to pin down the source of the crotchety, cantankerous and grouchy bent that has affected me.  I know I am in serious need of a vacation that includes clear blue water, white sand and a skimpy two-piece but this pall is set deeper than that.  I’m by no means depressed or unable to carry on with my gazillion normal activities but there is a definite pettishness that has been matching me step for step.

 

After hearing of the loss of the parent of a dear friend and watching The Best Man Holiday (no spoilers) I think I’ve finally pinned it.  The holidays are fast approaching and I miss my parents terribly.  I lost my mother after a short illness 26 years ago and have been on my own ever since.  My dad was always present, but was a big believer in offering assistance only when you’d exhausted all other options and I guess my über resourcefulness precluded me from needing much assistance, which is good… I guess.  My dad succumbed to cancer last year after gracing the world with almost 90 years of his presence.

 

Losing parents is never easy no matter how old you are.  Though difficult, it is the natural progression of things and although an upsetting reality, most people will lose their parents during the course of their lives.  My journey towards being an orphan began on a pleasantly mild Tuesday during  April of 1987.  I had just celebrated my 20th birthday weeks earlier and watched in horror (and some fascination) as my mother peacefully drew her last breaths.  She was 63.  For weeks, a cloak of confusion, rage and disbelief descended.  Outwardly, I was able to function normally.  I was attending classes, completing assignments and eating adequately, but no one saw the rages that tore through me at night and caused me to trash, at first my bedroom, then extending to full nightly sessions where multiple rooms were mercilessly and purposefully attacked.  I experienced overwhelming grief and lamented about the mess that my life had the potential to become.  Then like clockwork, and consumed by guilt for questioning God’s will, I painstakingly restored order and discarded the remnants of my rage that I hadn’t quite figured out how to control.  During those weeks sleep was fleeting.  By contrast, my dad's death, twenty-five years later, held no real shock.  He lived a long and fulfilling life and his death came as no real surprise.  I was well in control of my emotions by this time and managed the grieving process with grace.     

      

I didn't trash any rooms or cry inconsolably, but it dawned on me that I needed to preserve the fading memories that I’d stored as there would be no new ones to draw from as I transitioned from loved daughter to orphan.   I felt anchorless.  I was no one’s child.  I felt, and feel like my roots have been hacked away.  Before you question it… I’m an adult and yes, my mama taught me well, I am independent and I can stand alone.  This doesn’t negate the fact that at times I feel very alone.  I have wonderful friends and am grateful for all of them.  I have wonderful children and am grateful for them as well, but they're not my parents.

 

To anyone who hasn't lost their parents, here's a bit of news:  you never get over it.  I'm not trying to frighten you.  You get through it, yes, and you'll probably get used to it, but you’ll not get over it.  A piece of your puzzle has been removed and, however much you rearrange the other pieces, they never quite fit in the same way ever again.  They say change is good… perhaps there is some good in this as well.  I’ve learned to not only find my own happiness but to savor my many moments of WayBeyondZ joy and I appreciate those moments even more because I've also experienced the lows of sorrow.

There is something you must always remember.  You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

~ Winnie the Pooh

 

PEER PRESSURE WOES

So, I’ve been suffering with a serious case of writer’s block, which is less than pleasant considering that the majority of my job consists of writing.  I was painfully plugging away at an RFP when I received a phone call from the Dean of Students at my daughter’s school a few days ago.  The tale the dean recanted was way too ridiculous to make up, and I’ve decided to share it.  It’s a tale about peer pressure, luckily harmless, but peer pressure requires immediate intervention, none the less, lest it balloon into a more significant issue if left to its own growth pattern.  

  

As I mentioned, I was sitting at my desk, when the phone started ringing.  I wasn’t having a great afternoon, as my creative juices hadn’t been flowing freely for a few days.  I leaned over, glanced at the caller ID and sighed.  No parent likes to receive calls from school in the middle of the day, as it either means that your kid is ill and needs to be picked up early or he or she is in hot water.  Schools never call to wish you a pleasant day or tell you that your kid is a rock star… bummer.  I picked up the call and was greeted by a very tense sounding Dean of Students.  She gave me her obligatory greeting and segued immediately into the reason for her call.  She sounded sketchy and spoke haltingly but I patiently waited as she informed me that Julia was given detention as a result of an “incident” that she witnessed earlier that day in the girl’s bathroom.  She went on to say that she was apologetic that Julia, who had never, ever  been given detention for any reason, was  going to have to attend; but she felt it imperative to send a message that no student is ever exempt from following school rules and adhering to appropriate standards of conduct.  Hmmmm… standard of conduct?  What in the devil did this child do?!??  When I realized that she was rushing through this explanation because she was clearly uncomfortable with having this discussion I stopped her.  I asked, “What exactly did you witness?  What did Julia do to earn herself a stint in detention?”  The dean paused, took a few heavy breaths and proceeded to tell me a tale that almost caused my naturally curly hair to straighten.  She said that she was passing by the girl’s bathroom when she heard what sounded like cheering and clapping.  When she poked her head in to see what the disturbance was all about she witnessed my child, my nine-year-old, academically gifted fifth grader, “way up high… surprisingly high, actually” on a pole in the bathroom!  She stood there long enough to watch Julia wrap her skinny, pre-pubescent leg around said pole and determinedly SLIDE slowly down and around it.  This noteworthy performance apparently caused the dean to blush deeply and caused the other girls in attendance to cheer.  Jesus be a fence!  I was completely speechless, fully unable to find any words to articulate my scattered emotions.  I had shot straight from writer’s block into articulation impaired and was careening into cardiac failure at a breakneck speed!  I was hot and cold and confused and ashamed and frankly I was as angry as hell!    

  

The dean assured me that she’d had a full discussion with Julia, that included Julia bursting into tears and owning up to the whole incident (I mean, how could she deny it?  She was caught red handed!)  Julia asked if there was any way that she could serve detention without informing her mother… fat chance, Cookie!  Anyway, my newly-errant, pre-pubescent child was caught red-handed doing a pole dance in a school bathroom and I could NOT WAIT to speak to her!  Unfortunately, there was early dismissal that day and Julia was en route to her dance class (how ironic) and a pull-up would have to wait.  Sigh…

… 7pm and Julia is seated on my bed, facing me, head bowed as I paced my room like a caged tiger.  “What in the HEYELL could have possessed you?  What in the universe could you have been thinking?” I asked, not so calmly.  Julia turned her little angelic face towards me, with huge, teary, doe-eyes and simply said, “But mama, I had to do it.  A sixth grader challenged me!  You know how competitive I am and she said I couldn’t do it.  Then she climbed the pole and slid down herself!”

 

Huh?  Well thankfully this behavior was learned and not self-initiated, but HWHAT in the HEYELL?!??  Then my little doe-eyed child stood up and folded her skinny arms across her birdlike chest and said, in a strong voice that contradicted the tears threatening to spill from her eyes, “Mama she was obese!  There was not a chance I could let her think that I couldn’t do something that she could do… even her ankles are fat!!”  Julia dissolved into tears and I walked out of my bedroom to process (and laugh... don’t you dare judge me).  I needed a shot of tequila but settled instead for a glass of sauvignon blanc and marched back up the stairs to address my daughter and her faulty thinking.  God doesn’t give you more than you can bear, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to bear having to talk to my 9-year-old daughter about pole dancing.  Ay Dios!

 

I began with the whole… “she was obese” thing.  I explained that her description of the sixth grader was rude and unkind, and covered why it was unacceptable to label people.  I spent a significant amount of time on the hazards of falling victim to peer pressure and used detention to illustrate how there are negative consequences to being a follower.  This point took a while to sink in because Julia disagreed that she was following, but accepted the sixth grader's challenge willingly… I stayed on script.  I eventually segued into how I was disappointed that my daughter was caught by a school administrator doing a pole dance and how this reflected poorly on our “team”.  Through our conversation, I recognized that Julia viewed this as a purely physical challenge and not a display of seductive behavior.  (Thank God for small favors.)  Still she understood what lens she could have been viewed through.  All in all a pretty upsetting incident led us into a very productive conversation.

 

I had a few questions though.  I asked Julia if the pole was a steam pipe?  Because if it was, wasn’t it hot, and shouldn’t it have been too close to the wall to climb?  Julia said it wasn’t a steam pipe and was in the middle of the bathroom?!??  What?  Can someone please tell me why there is a pole in the middle of the girl’s bathroom?  That’s like an invitation, no?  I recognize that that’s not an excuse for her pole dancing extravaganza.  There could be a double-hump dromedary in the bathroom and I would no more expect her to ride it; although, at this point I wouldn't be surprised, but I’m just sayin’… why?

Peer pressure is unfortunately a fact of every kid’s life and this becomes heightened during the teen years when the opinion of one’s peers is more significant than the opinion of one’s parents.  No matter how popular your kid is, how well liked your kid may be or how together they might feel, sooner or later they’ll have to face peer pressure.  Whether it is pressure to conform to a group norm or pressure to act a certain way, peer pressure is something everybody has to deal with at some time in their life.  How successfully they handle peer pressure depends a great deal on how they feel about themselves and their place in the world.  When peer pressure kicks into high gear it becomes easy to get caught up in the moment and forget about consequences.  We, as parents, have to be relentless in our attempts to build esteem and empower our kids.  We must build character and instill core values.  In this way, hopefully they will always stand up for what they think is right no matter who feels differently.  It’s a difficult line to walk though.  Kids need to learn how to be assertive without becoming preachy or self-righteous.  If they are ostracized because their methods have them standing on a soap box while they're standing their ground the pressure to conform may be heightened and kids have a strong need to belong.  Alas, we must teach our kids to be WayBeyondZ leaders not followers.

 

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

― Bruce Lee

IS IT AFFECTION, ENVY or STALKING?

It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  It is also said that copying someone is flattering because it shows you want to be like that person.  The bottom line is that when you find yourself in a situation where you your movements are being mimicked… it’s creepy, disturbing to the recipient of this behavior and even borderline stalkerish!  This is especially creepy if the person mimicking your movements is only a casual acquaintance or even farther removed from your circle than even that.  You meet someone at a conference, in school or are introduced by a mutual friend and BAM… a stalker is born.  You go out to lunch… there they are!  You attend a workshop… there they are!  You go to parent/teacher night and you guessed it… they are there, carrying a similar Gucci handbag and are rocking the scarf you just purchased!  Damn, now the scarf has to be donated (keeping the bag though).   

We don't typically consider what it is like for those who are envied, but people who are the recipients of envy can be made to feel uncomfortable.  Imagine having someone dislike you, or even hate you, because you have an attribute, a possession, or a privilege that they want and are feel they are clearly lacking.  Envy can be triggered in circumstances that involve a social comparison where someone perceives that you have possessions, attributes, or attainments that diminish their own status.  These triggers often mirror admiration, but admiration lacks the hostility of envy.  In either case, people will glamorize or idealize who you are or what you possess.  Yet the flavor of envy is ugly whereas the essence of admiration is warm, even if it creates discomfort in those who are admired. 

Envy can make a person preoccupied with comparison and repeatedly measure their self-worth against what they perceive to be your own.  They may try to position themselves or align themselves with your friends, allies, networks or physically position themselves to replicate your activities (which mimics stalking).  Although envy can motivate someone to damage the position of the person who is envied, either in their imagination or in reality, their envy can also make them work harder in order to attain what the envied person has.  Yes, it is creepy; however, preoccupation with an envied person is compelling, even if it is a waste of time.  Creepy may even border onto dangerous depending on the level of preoccupation. 

Stalking is defined as unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person.  Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation and may include following the victim in person or monitoring them.  The word stalking is used, with some differing meanings, in psychology and psychiatry and also in some legal jurisdictions as a term for a criminal offense.  When admiration turns into envy and lends itself to stalking you may then want to consider protecting yourself through legal means, i.e., an Orders of Protection or Temporary Restraining Order (TRO), because you can never be too careful when dealing with people who attempt to interfere with your personal space and peace of mind.

    

The daggers that accompany envy are anything but enviable.  So if you doubt that emotions influence human behavior and decision making, step back and take another look at envy as one of many examples.  Everyone is great in his or her own right.  Have WayBeyondZ love for yourself! 

 

“They'll either want to kill you, kiss you, or be you.”

― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

COMMUTER COMMANDMENTS

As a native New Yorker who has been riding the rails for my entire life, I’ve seen and experienced some pretty incredible things.  I’ve missed stops due to passengers who refused to allow free passage through doorways.  I’ve even been the victim of a crazy person who felt it appropriate to literally jump onto my back to fit herself into a crowded #4 train.  Yeah… she jumped onto my back, wrapping her twiggy legs around my waist, hanging on so tightly that she ripped the lining of my coat.  Two men who were squished in next to me, grabbed her and tossed her knuckle-dragging, occipital-bun having, clearly hanging on the outer limits of sanity self out of the crowded train and onto her behind on the platform, as the train doors slid closed.  She still managed to nearly rip my coat from my back and definitely managed to frighten the hell out of me! 

I’ve seen a rat walking up the flight of stairs to the street level making perfectly normal looking people knock each other over like bowling pins in an attempt to get out of Remy the rat’s way.  (Sorry kindly looking lady in the stylish blue seersucker suit… I really didn’t mean it.)

Anyhow, as I see it, in order to make everyone’s commute more tolerable (as commuting via public transportation can scarcely be characterized as pleasant) it boils down to a few key issues.  If you can adhere to some of them, most people can probably co-exist without having the urge to assault their fellow straphanger. 

1.  Thou shalt not groom

Every morning, without fail, I am sitting next to or standing beside someone who insists on continuing their unfinished morning personal grooming ritual on a crowded subway train.  This one is for the ladies… putting on a full face of makeup is considered personal grooming!  Brushing ones hair is also considered personal grooming and I would no more expect to witness you brushing your teeth or putting on deodorant on the subway. 

While makeup application and hair brushing are certainly annoying, dandruff scratching, zit popping and nail clipping are downright nasty and unhygienic… and I implore you to not engage in these behaviors in public.  Dandruff, pus and nail bits are not for sharing.       

2. Thou shalt not scarf

By this I mean eat meals on the subway.  Firstly, the odor of limburger and tuna may turn you on but might be gag inducing for some other passengers and everyone should be able to ride the subway without experiencing olfactory assault.  This commandment also extends itself to preparing meals on the subway.  A man was witnessed on the L train, recently, rifling through a shopping bag only to pull from it a loaf of bread, cold cuts and condiments, which he spread out over the adjacent seat (on a copy of the New York Times… for housekeeping purposes I suppose?!??) and proceeded to meticulously assemble and eat a sandwich… right there on a seat on the L train during rush hour.  Go figure.  In that vein, I’ve also seen people eat meals (pre-prepared thankfully) on the subway and discard the containers under seats just to have it tip over and have chicken bones rattling around all over the floor or discard half consumed sodas that soon spill and create a sticky mess… so gross.  Bottom line is the consumption of food and drink while commuting is rarely smooth.  Eat at home.  You're not saving any time.

3. Thou shalt not gag commuters with excessive PDAs

So, I get the whole love thing, but subway Public Displays of Affection (PDA) is gross!  Peck kisses are cute, but I don't want strangers doing it near my face.  Making out on a crowded subway is rude, and I assure you that no one wants to see your tongue dart around another person's mouth.  Let me also mention that there is no such thing as “sneaky” groping when you are packed into a tiny, underground space with a bunch of other people.  Sneaky groping is probably ruder than overt groping because it implies that you think your fellow subway riders are stupid… rent a room.  In short, deep tongue kissing, canoodling, sitting in laps, groping and of course anything beyond that should not be done during a subway ride… please!

4. Thou shalt not pole hug

Shouldn’t it be common sense that you should not hug a pole on a crowded subway?  Just as you shouldn't take up more than one seat on a crowded subway, you shouldn't take up more than one hand placement on a subway pole... and it goes without saying that using the pole as a back-scratcher is also unacceptable.  Speaking of seat hogging…  don't take up too much space on the seat.  You should only take up one seat.  Your laptop doesn't take priority over another passenger.  Men: you’re your genitals do not require you to spread your legs that far apart.  I’m just sayin’.

5. Thou shall remain clothed at all times

I was on a crowded #1 train taking my son to school one morning when a fellow commuter took off his shirt to sleep more comfortably on the subway.  Granted, he had a tank top underneath, but this man allowed his entire upper body to lounge free as a bird all over the seat as if he was sleeping on his home sofa.  Sure, you can catch up on some Z's while you’re commuting, but please remember that you are NOT at home taking a nap.  Leave your clothes on, people!  And if you have the misfortune of standing next to a person who is publicly disrobing, and their flesh is intruding into your space, you are allowed to wake them.  Kindly tap their arm, leg, neck, back of their hand… it’s whatever at this point, and ask if they wouldn't mind putting their shirt back on.  If they refuse, then get the heck out of dodge because the Lord only knows what will come off next.  EEW! 

6.  Thou shalt not deafen fellow straphangers

It’s seven in the morning on a crowded but quiet subway train.  Doors open at the next stop and you hear a voice, an annoying voice!  As it gets louder, other commuters exchange looks of dread, and suddenly, The Cell Phone Talker (CPT) bursts in, bellowing into her phone with a thick New York accent and devil may care attitude.  This scene plays out time and time again and it is über annoying each and every time.  Cut your conversation short, read a book and you may actually make it to your destination without pissing someone off enough to incite a rail rage situation.  This also applies to singing or rapping along with whatever music you’re listening to.    

     

Also, if the person next to you on the subway stares at you for what feels like a moment too long, like you might have something on your face, it's likely not because you are a vision of loveliness (though you may well be).  The blank stare is probably because he or she can hear the music coming out of your headphones.  Might want to turn that volume down.  Decibels kill… hearing.

7. Thou shalt not disseminate contagion

If you’re sick, stay at home!  If you decide that you need to spread contagion to your co-workers and decide to take the subway into your office, please just minimize the spread of contagion by following a few simple guidelines.  First, if you cough or sneeze, cover your mouth.  You should use the inside of your arm to do this.  DO NOT use your hand and then grab the pole!  That’s nasty and germy.  Also, keep your fingers out of your nose for obvious reasons (whether or not your sick) and please carry AND use tissues to conduct mucus management.  Keep your used tissues in your pocket, bags, hands, bra, socks or wherever on your person you’d like but DO NOT discard them on the subway. 

8. Thou shalt not funkdafy the subway   

I was on a very crowded #6 train recently and was standing unfortunately belly to belly with what looked to be a harmless looking young man.  Suddenly, he opened his mouth, peeled back his lips and yawned right in my face!  No hand over his mouth, no turned head, just a full on frontal assault of my senses.  The boy was a fire-breathing dragon!  The funk which emanated from the depths of this young man’s body singed my eyebrows, charred the lining of my nasal passages, caused my eyes to tear and my gag reflex kicked into gear… not pretty.  If you KNOW that you neglected to brush your teeth, scrub your tongue, missed your last 10 twice-annual appointments with your dentist, ate a half cooked possum with sardine marinade before boarding the subway… PLEASE, I implore you to keep your mouth closed or at the very least COVER it when you yawn!  If the last sentence applies to you, you should also refrain from close talking… please and thank you. 

  

More often than not, commuters are packed like krill on crowded, standing-room-only trains.  With literally nowhere else to go and with the crowd pushing you forward, finding yourself face first in another commuter’s armpit is an all too common scenario.  Train etiquette dictates that a commuter should only raise their hand to hold a pole if they are sure that there is no preexisting funk; therefore, without the application of deodorant, in no event shall a commuter raise their arm higher than that which would be required if performing the Macarena at a wedding or other special event.  That’s the rule… memorize it.  Be aware of your body odor, bad breath, or strong perfume, as this can be just as offensive.  A friend told me how he sat next to a commuter who took off his shoes to rest his tired feet, and stunk up the entire area.  It’s a good practice to keep your shoes on until you get home.

9. Thou shalt not block passage ways

Do not stop dead to think about where you want to head.  Slowly move with the flow of traffic until you choose where you want to go, or step aside while you figure it out.  Do not block doorways when you enter crowded subway cars as though you are the last person interested in entering the train.  It continues to amaze me how people will not move into the middle of the subway car where it is less congested, but prefer instead to block the entrance like a sentry standing guard.  Geez!

10. Thou shalt exercise common sense at all times

As uncommon as this is let us please try to restore common sense, as well as common courtesy… or at least civility so everyone can have a Way Beyond Z commute.

As an old proverb goes, politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax — it softens us.

WHAT's GOING ON WITH DAKOTA?

It’s day one of first grade!  Yay!!  You see little Dakota off at the bus stop and turn around hoping that this school year is more fruitful than the last.  Your stomach knots thinking about the constant stream of phone calls that you received last year in reference to your kid’s behavior.  “Little Dakota isn’t getting along with the other children.”  “Little Dakota keeps interrupting me when I’m speaking.”  “Little Dakota is being disruptive.”  “Little Dakota this.”  “Little Dakota that.”  “Little Dakota… wah wah woh wah wah wah.”  (Think Ms. Othmar, the teacher from Charlie Brown.)

Day one passes uneventfully and your child returns home smiling and all is well with the world!  Days two and three are uneventful as well and you allow yourself to take a few shallow breaths.  Week two passes and you think you’re home free… perhaps Little Dakota has finally made a transition in terms of maturity!  Then the phone calls begin… sigh.  The teacher is complaining that your child is a behavioral issue and that perhaps he needs to be evaluated.  Now wait a minute!  Little Dakota doesn’t need an evaluation!  Dakota is perfectly able to follow rules at home and is quite amazingly able to focus effectively when he’s engaged in an activity that he’s interested in.  Dakota is also quiet and focused when he is lost in a book.  All of these things you relay to “Ms. Othmar”… who is, by the way, convinced that Little Dakota is an amped-up, alien-baby who’s an imminent danger to the future educational advancement of all his human classmates.  Sheesh!   What’s a parent to do? 

The truth is that Dakota may be bored out of his young, first grade mind and looking for alternate ways to entertain himself while enduring forced sequestration with children who he feels are no company for him.  The truth is that Little Dakota is very likely gifted.  Parents often wonder at one point or another whether their child is gifted.  What does gifted mean anyway?  What measure is used to assess the level of a child’s abilities?  Is it possible to be gifted in ways other than academically? 

The term, gifted, is used by different schools, organizations, and cultures in many different ways.  Little Dakota may have a well above average IQ (Intelligence Quotient), an extraordinarily high emotional IQ or a great level of maturity, but those aren’t the only gauges of gifted ability.  Gifted children may be gauged by a broader range of criteria.  The National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC) offers the following definition:

"Gifted individuals are those who demonstrate outstanding levels of aptitude (defined as an exceptional ability to reason and learn) or competence (documented performance or achievement in top 10 percent or rarer) in one or more domains. Domains include any structured area of activity with its own symbol system (e.g., mathematics, music, language) and/or set of sensorimotor skills (e.g., painting, dance, sports)."

Well before you think to have your child formally tested, consider that kids are often commonly identified as gifted by the observations of families, teachers, and friends.  Below are some of the characteristic traits of children gifted in terms of general intellectual ability, adapted from a detailed checklist from Austega (a group for people interested in resources for the gifted child).  Note: no one gifted child exhibits all the traits.

1. Learns rapidly, easily, and efficiently 
2. Has exceptionally large vocabulary for their age
3. Demonstrates unusual reasoning power
4. Has an unusually strong memory, but is bored with memorization and recitation
5. Needs little outside control — applies self-discipline
6. Has a liking for structure, order, and consistency
7. Is flexible in thinking patterns; makes unusual associations between remote ideas
8. Displays a great curiosity about objects, situations, or events; asks provocative questions
9. Makes good grades in most subjects
10. Has a power of concentration, an intense attention that excludes all else
11. Provides very alert, rapid answers to questions
12. Is resourceful, solving problems by ingenious methods
13. Has avid interest in science or literature
14. Reveals originality in oral and written expression
15. Has a power of abstraction, conceptualization and synthesis
16. Is secure emotionally
17. Tends to dominate peers or situations
18. Uses a lot of common sense
19. Displays a willingness to accept complexity
20. Is perceptually open to his or her environment

Your child may also show exceptional abilities in other categories such as specific academic aptitude, creative thinking and production, leadership, psychomotor ability, and visual and performing arts.

Academic aptitude specific to a particular subject

• shows similar characteristics to general intellectual ability but concentrated around one or a few fields
• has a long attention span in specific areas of interest
• learns rapidly, easily and with less repetition in one or a few specific areas (probably not all subject areas)
• likes or loves one or a few areas of knowledge
• likes to study some subjects more than others
• spends time voluntarily beyond ordinary assignments on projects of interest to him or her
• is able to extend learning from these key areas to various situations somewhat unrelated in orientation
• is able to show broad perspective on one or more subject areas
• is able to judge own and others' relative abilities in key areas of interest
• seeks assistance of others beyond his age or peer group for the purpose of extending knowledge in areas of interest

Creative thinking and production

• is fluent in producing and elaborating on ideas
• makes unusual associations between remote ideas
•  is flexible in thinking patterns
• senses when problems exist
• acts spontaneously, intuitively
• tolerates ambiguity and uncertainty
• senses inconsistencies and discontinuities
• readily guesses and makes hypotheses
• juggles or redefines elements of a problem or task
• can show intense concentration on a task
• retains own ideas in a discussion or collaboration
• provides multiple solutions or responses to problems
• is uninhibited in expression, sometimes radical
• is intellectually playful, interested in fantasy, imagination
• always trying to adapt or improve things
• has a keen sense of humor, seeing humor in situations others don't
• doesn't mind being different
• doesn't accept authoritarian pronouncements without own judgment
• asks provocative questions, challenges parents, teachers, written texts and other authorities
• is bored with memorization and recitation
• displays energy, sometimes disruptively
• produces unexpected, sometimes "silly" responses
• is considered, and perhaps resented, by some peers as "odd"
• can show unusual degrees of originality, concentration and persistent hard work on projects that capture their interest and imagination 

Leadership

• can stimulate and arouse others
•  organizes others
• recognizes skills and abilities possessed by others
• interacts with others easily showing social skills
• recognizes and can articulate the goals of a group
• can articulate ideas clearly
• can listen to others empathetically
• understands how people feel and how groups function
• can give directions clearly and effectively
• exercises authority reliably and responsibly
• can adopt non-leadership roles within a group
• can establish the mood of a group
• supports others in a group when appropriate
•  can coordinate the work of several individuals
• is often asked for ideas and suggestions
• is looked to by others when something must be decided 

Psychomotor ability

• is rhythmic
• is athletic
• likes to play physically
• has a suitable body build
• is coordinated, balanced and confident in physical activities
• is inventive in constructing or modifying games
• is energetic
• is able to understand the intellectual aspects of psychomotor activities
• demonstrates endurance, stamina and persistence in physical activities
• demonstrates prowess in physical activities 

Visual and performing arts

Music

•  has good sense of rhythm
• is well-coordinated
• discriminates musical and other sounds well
• understands musical relationships
• enjoys musical activities and demonstrates musical feeling
• shows tonal memory
• responds readily to rhythm, melody and harmony
• uses music to express feeling or experience
• makes up original tunes
• enjoys dance and dramatic activities with musical elements 

Drama/theatre

• demonstrates interest and enjoyment in dramatic activities
• readily shifts into role of another character, animal or object
• uses voice to reflect changes in mood
• demonstrates understanding of conflict when acting out a dramatic event
• communicates feelings by means of facial expressions, gestures and bodily movements
• enjoys evoking emotional responses from listeners
• demonstrates ability to dramatize feelings and experiences
• brings a dramatic situation to a climax with a well-timed ending when telling a story 

Art

• draws a variety of objects
•  puts depth into drawing, showing planning and good proportion
• treats art seriously and enjoys it
• shows originality in modes of undertaking art
• is willing to try out new materials and experiences
• pursues art in spare time
• uses art to express feelings and experiences
• is interested in other people's art, both appreciating it and criticizing it
• likes to model three dimensionally with clay, soap carving, plasticine, etc. 

Before you run out and have Dakota evaluated for a learning disability, consider that Dakota may be asking for a more challenging environment.  Give Dakota the benefit of the doubt… he just may be thinking on a WayBeyondZ level.

Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.