People are funny. Not funny, "ha-ha", but funny as in strange, queer, peculiar… call it what you will. It seems to me that once we skip, hop, swing and see-saw our way through childhood we forget what it was like to be a child and to at the mercy of those who are older, stronger and supposedly there to protect, guide and care for us on an emotional level as well as to provide for our basic needs.
Adults disregard and disrespect the wishes of children, discount their existence, assuming that because they are small and dependent, they have neither valid opinions nor anything substantive to offer, as though we don't remember ever trying to express an important thought or feeling as a child and how necessary is was to us that our profound thought was well received. Unfortunately, we can exert our will, as adults, and children have very few, if any, tools to safeguard, gird or shield themselves with. At this point, a child's only option is to (graciously or ungraciously) accept whatever is offered, fair or not, not because it makes sense, but because it's what the adult selfishly chooses. What really strikes me as peculiar is that we expect unconditional respect and obedience from the spurned child in return.
Far too many children, as a result of having their voices stifled, fall victim to the nefarious actions of selfish and sometimes even criminally intentioned adults. As resilient and adaptable as children are, as they mostly learn to survive and recreate themselves to accommodate the intentions and actions of the adults in their lives, this is not often done without scarring. Many children grow up to exhibit clear, if not overt, signs of having survived a "Dickensian" childhood. Whether or not these scars are visible, if you ask the "survivors", they remember many details of their less than idyllic and sometimes abusive and lonely childhood. Sadly, without focused intervention, adults who were unfortunate enough to have experienced abuse, abandonment and lack of parental love and acceptance will oftentimes, unwittingly, repeat this cycle. Thankfully, this has not been the case for many of us.
More commonly found are the cases where selfish adults, believing that children have the unique ability to bounce back, believe that it's perfectly acceptable to disregard their feelings. These adults mistakenly believe that children will "get over it" or "deal with" the emotional fallout of their lack of regard. This behavior is just as damning, albeit its effects are not as clearly visible. A child's psyche should be handled with care lest you stunt a child's spirit, creativity and feelings of acceptance and empowerment to affect a change in their lives. Alas, some children adapt smoothly, but others will regretfully develop maladaptive and anti-social behavior as a result of the lack of parental or adult care and concern for them as whole and complete beings, who experience valid feelings.
Children tend to remember acts of kindness as well as of disrespect, lack of regard and unkindness whether in words or in deeds and, furthermore, carry those lessons and experiences with them forever. We are a sum total of all of our experiences. For better or for worse, our experiences shape and mold us.
Readers, how many of you can remember small acts of kindness from your childhood? Pain? Trauma? Disappointment? How did those incidents make you feel? Do you remember feeling small and powerless or big and strong? Be mindful, bullying can take on many forms and often doesn't take place in a schoolyard. As adults we need to consider how committed we are to our personal agendas. Is your agenda valid enough to misshape a child to further it? Make a commitment to love a child today... and have a Way Beyond Z day!
"What a child doesn't receive he can seldom later give." ~P.D. James, Time to Be in Earnest
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